Do you ever find yourself experiencing a sudden shift in emotions after connecting with someone who’s been venting or sharing their emotional burdens with you? Without realizing it, you leave that encounter carrying the same feelings they’ve shared, such as anger, frustration, fear, depression, anxiety, or bitterness. Your body and mind respond to this influx of emotions, leaving you bewildered and drained.
Emotional Projection: What It Is and How to Manage It
Perhaps you can relate to a scenario like this: a colleague confides in you about their workplace grievances. The weight of their concerns has seeped into their personal life, causing severe anxiety and stress. Understandably, they’ve developed a standoffish attitude toward a particular boss, even harbouring animosity or disillusionment when that person is around. As your colleague vents their frustrations, you unknowingly absorb their anxiety and annoyance. You, too, start to feel disempowered, angry, and frustrated. You leave work that day feeling emotionally exhausted, your mood darkened, and you’re short-tempered with your family. They’re puzzled because they thought you had resolved your issues years ago.
Sound familiar? This phenomenon is emotional projection. It occurs when someone expresses their emotions, and you unwittingly internalize those feelings, making them your own. As described in an article on Healthline by Kimberley Holland, projection involves attributing your feelings or behaviour toward someone else and observing “evidence” of those feelings being projected back at you.
Are You Engaging in Emotional Projection?
Some individuals deliberately project their emotions onto others to elicit a reaction. They seek validation, understanding, and a sense of camaraderie. This could come from a well-intentioned place or a manipulative one. Others project unintentionally, as a coping mechanism, effectively self-sabotaging to control worst-case scenarios. Some people, however, share their stories with a safe person without projecting. How the other person responds is their responsibility.
Breaking Free from Emotional Projection
If you find that you’re projecting, it’s likely because you need to feel safe, seen, heard, and understood. You deserve this, but sharing your story in a safe, controlled environment with someone who knows how to respond is healthier for you. Counselling, mentoring, or spiritual direction can be excellent tools to help you process your emotions. Engaging in self-awareness exercises and learning to be present in your body can also be beneficial. When you understand your feelings and can process them, you won’t need others to help you unpack your emotions. You can still talk about your life, feelings, and concerns with trusted friends, but you’ll do so in a mutually empowering way where you can support each other.
Protecting Yourself from Emotional Projection
The first step in guarding yourself from projection is to separate yourself from the other person. Their feelings, stories, and emotions are valid. You might even play a role in helping them seek justice or find hope, but remember that their trauma is not your trauma. You can empathize with them without becoming a vessel that experiences the same pain as them.
One effective way to achieve this separation is by reflecting on your feelings when interacting with them. Ask questions like, “When you say this, I feel this. Is this true for you?” By doing so, you return the emotion to the person, allowing them to define their experience rather than relying on your interpretation.
Setting boundaries is another critical method to prevent projection. If the person repeatedly revisits the same story without signs of healing or change, or if they’re trying to manipulate you for validation, gently but firmly set limits. Express your concern and encourage them to see a counsellor, and don’t hesitate to suggest professional help. Decide how often you meet and for how long, establish response times for social media and texts, and assertively communicate your boundaries.
When You Seek Validation through Emotional Projection
Lastly, what happens when you derive your identity from being the person everyone projects their emotions onto? Some actively seek out these vulnerable stories because they yearn to fix situations, making them feel useful or superior.
If this resonates with you, consider exploring training and education that equips you to work with people effectively. Learn about constructs, techniques, boundaries, and accountability measures that best serve vulnerable individuals. Additionally, question your motivations for wanting to help someone. Ensure that your intentions stem from a place of genuine care, rather than a need to be a saviour. Remember that you are already whole, valuable, and compassionate without external validation.
Are You Ready for a Change?
Do you need a safe space to share your story and heal? Would you like to learn strategies to prevent emotional projection and regain dynamic control? We’re here to help. Take the first step towards emotional well-being with a free consultation. Reach out to us today.
