Are you pondering when it was the last time you cried? You are not the only one! In one of our sessions, Jhon reported a late-night conversation with a cherished friend. The conversation with his friends took an unexpected turn toward a shared adventure in Bali from years gone by. As his friends tear up on the Zoom call, it dawns on him that emotions are running high. Amidst her sobs, she apologizes with a laugh, attributing it to one of those weeks when everything hits a nerve. She has a genuine vulnerability that he has always admired. John tells me he sunk into his sofa, pondering the last time he allowed himself to release tears. Strangely, the memory eludes him no matter how he racks his brain or delves into emotional archives. During the session, he asked me if something was wrong with him.
Difficulty Shedding Tears? You’re Not Alone.
If you’re nodding along, finding resonance in the scenario painted above, or if you know someone who fits this bill, you’re not alone. The realization that not everyone is wired to shed tears became evident in a 2014 BBC radio interview with Michael Trimble, a crying expert. A listener had posed a perplexing question about a colleague who remained impervious to even the most poignant attempts to elicit tears through sad productions, films, songs, and stories. Trimble’s momentary silence spoke volumes. The research landscape on tears has predominantly focused on those with well-functioning tear ducts, leaving dry-eyed individuals largely unexplored. Yet, when the radio opened the floodgates for stories of dry tear ducts, the response was overwhelming, filling inboxes with tales from the tearless.
Crying: A Unique Human Mechanism
In the vast realm of human experiences, researchers have delved into the intricacies of processes such as hunger, thirst, connection, sleep, and motivation. However, crying remains a phenomenon shrouded in mystery. Despite being the only species known to shed tears due to emotional upheaval, our understanding of this unique mechanism is still in its infancy.
Theories on tears have evolved through the ages. The explanations vary from the Old Testament linking tears to a weakened heart material turning into water to the 1600s notion of love-induced heat generating tear-forming water vapour. Danish Scientist Niels Stensen’s 1662 revelation pinpointed tears to the lacrimal gland, emphasizing their practical role in eye lubrication. While evolutionary perspectives align with Stensen’s practicality, they hint at deeper, profound reasons for our species’ distinctive capacity to cry.
Beyond Onion-Chopping Tears
Unlike most animals born almost fully formed, humans become vulnerable and gradually evolve into competent individuals. Yet, moments of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, and hopeless persist throughout our development. Crying emerges as our unique mode of communication, signalling a need to pause and seek assistance. Emotional tears, distinct from physiological tears (like those from chopping onions or getting dust in the eyes), contain more protein, adhering to the skin and as a visible signal. Observing someone cry triggers empathy faster than words, fostering feelings of sympathy and prompting acts of support crucial for our species’ ability to navigate the complexities of life.
The Essence of Emotional Tears: A Learned Phenomenon
Tears accompany profound emotional experiences—weddings, births, heartbreaks, and loss. While crying is often deemed cathartic, research shows mixed feelings post-cry. Nevertheless, the value lies in vulnerability, allowing emotional expression. Suppressing emotions in the short term may seem appealing, but in the long run, it’s detrimental. Stories of stoic elders discouraging emotional expression raise questions about the intergenerational impact on tears’ emotional, cultural, and developmental understanding.
Practical Tears: Dissolving Anger in Tears
A less sentimental theory suggests the utility of crying in neutralizing anger. Conflict dynamics often shift when tears appear, even in small amounts. Seeing someone crying activates empathy, a vital element in resolving conflicts. Tears play a crucial role in relationship disputes, primarily when one seeks forgiveness. So, next time you navigate a conflict, watch for tears—they might be the unexpected ally in defusing tension.
Decoding Tearlessness: Unraveling the Emotional Web
For those who find tears elusive, the puzzle of contemporary crying research is still in its early stages. Recent experiments associating dry tear ducts with Alexithymia, an inability to identify and express emotions, hint at potential links. While not a recognized disorder, addressing this difficulty is crucial, as it can serve as a risk factor for other psychological challenges. To those with dry ducts, here’s a gentle reminder: if the tears have been absent for too long, seek guidance from a counsellor who might unveil the mysteries of the elusive tears.
